Grade 8s from not so MiddleEarth
by Dark Omen
Summary: Some grade eighters are dropped in to the Council of Elrond. PG13 for swearing etc.
1. Default Chapter

Grade 8s from not so middle-earth  
  
Prologue  
  
Disclaimer: I (we) do not (unfortunately) own any of the characters, places etc. Please don't sue me (us); we have nothing.  
  
It all started when Genevieve, Paula and Kelsi were being tortured in math class. It was a typical class; Gen was sleeping (as usual) Paula was trying to wake her up (as usual) And Kelsi was chewing on the end of her pen (as usual).  
  
When it became obvious that Gen wasn't going to wake up Paula gave up (for the first time in her life) and went to talk to Kelsi.  
  
Kelsi was thinking about LOTR. She turned to Paula and said, " Man, I wish I could have been at the Council of Elrond."  
  
Suddenly the air seemed to buzz electrically and time froze.  
  
Quite suddenly everything froze. They dropped straight down in to what was directly under them: members of the Council of Elrond!  
  
Kelsi landed on Legolas (she couldn't believe her luck!). Paula landed on Boromir (She glared irately at Kelsi for having such luck). Genevieve landed on Elrond (who stared in shock at the 80 pound brat on his lap).  
  
Having been woken so suddenly she stared at her surroundings. The first thing she saw was the ring! The first words out of her mouth were: Cool, can I have that for Christmas? 


	2. chapter 2

Chapter 1  
  
Pranks, Unexpected Friends and a Case of Mountain Dew(  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing (despite my wildest wishes) LOTR is on my next Christmas list but that won't be for a while yet. Please don't sue me it won't be worth your time.  
  
We return to middle-earth (specifically the Council of Elrond), which is much confused by the sudden appearance of three thirteen year olds.  
  
You would think that after wishing to be at the Council of Elrond and suddenly appearing there would have made Kelsi more careful about what she wished for but NOOO!  
  
" Man I wish Kelsey were here!" She said as she got of Legolas politely.  
  
WHUMP!!!  
  
"Ow" they heard from Sam's hiding place.  
  
Kelsi, Gen and Paula looked at each other "Dear god no." they all said in horror.  
  
Kelsey stood up and said " Oh my god!" She looked around the council and spotted the other three.  
  
" Hi Kelsey, um. sorry about this it was kinda an accident." Kelsi said.  
  
Kelsi noticed that the council was staring at them.  
  
"My Lord Elrond, I'm terribly sorry for this interruption. I am Kelsi; the short longhaired one is Genevieve. The one sitting on Boromir glaring daggers at me is Paula and she is Kelsey.'  
  
"Who are you?" Gloin asked.  
  
"They always told me dwarves were thick headed but really." The elves around Kelsi laughed at that little jab.  
  
"Please excuse us Lord Elrond I think I need to go hit something." Kelsi said as she gestured to the others to follow her, then she stopped. "On second thought" she said "I might enjoy watching this."  
  
Boromir went off into his little speech (to which the elves could hear the three girls murmuring along with).  
  
After the speech and all that the girls were given adjoined rooms. They all met in Gen's room. The girls all complained about boredom, thirst, and a lack of junk food.  
  
Kelsi AGAIN wished for stuff. "Man I wish I had a case of Mountain Dew(, three or four bags of chips and a home theater system with all the extras."  
  
Yet again stuff appeared in the room. (To be precise, everything she wished for appeared in the room).  
  
After watching lord of the rings on DVD (twice) they decided they needed to do something mischievous.  
  
Kelsey had an idea. They quickly gathered everything they needed and set to work.  
  
In the morning several unnamed Elves (Legolas, Elrond, Glorfindel and Arwen) found their hairbrushes glued to their night tables, one unnamed Ranger got a surprise bath as he left his room, one (or four) hobbits found themselves coated in honey and one arrogant man from Gondor had a book glued to his fore head.  
  
The four girls were hyper/sugar high and giggling to hard to do much.  
  
  
  
  
  
Anyway it's not very good so far but I'll work on it and please review I need the moral support. 


	3. Chapter three

One Good Reason Disclaimer : If you don't know what I'm going to say I'm not going to tell you!  
  
  
  
"Give Me one good reason why I shouldn't have you thrown out!" Elrond Screamed, his face going an interesting shade of purple.  
  
"Well, um. ask her!" Kelsi said nervously as she pointed at Gen.  
  
" Well. because, Frodo's gonna need help to get the ring to Mordor, because he's gonna try to go there alone, because Boromir will try to kill him, because the ring drove him mad, because it's evil, because some bad guy made it to rule over every thing, because he's psycho, oh, and did I mention that your daughter is gonna give up her immortality to some non- hygienic guy who never takes a shower." Gen it seems has now been placed in the history books for having the longest ever run-on sentence.  
  
"What!!!!??????"  
  
"What are you whating about?" Kelsey asked.  
  
"Never mind. What was that child babbling about?"  
  
"Oh that. Um.we know your future." Kelsi stated as if this was obvious.  
  
  
  
  
  
This Chapter isn't done yet but I'm at school and I'm not supposed to be writing this so. Anyways pleeze review. 


	4. One Good Reason part 2

One good reason Part 2  
  
Disclaimer: Despite all of my Pleading I Still don't own the fellowship. Next I'm going to try crying until people pity me.  
  
Kelsi Turned to Elrond , after turning and smacking Gen (just for the hell of it). "So can we follow the fellowship or not."  
  
"Why would I let you follow the fellowship?" Elrond asked, to Kelsi's complete disgust.  
  
"Because retard, we know what's going to happen to them and can warn them in advance, or at least sometimes, not if it's going to screw up what's supposed to happen." Kelsey stated as if this was obvious.  
  
Mean while other Kelsi was glaring at Legolas until she finally said "No fair, I wish I were an elf, But I wish I had blond hair with red streaks instead of just blond."  
  
They all stared as Kelsi's hair got longer and paled to blond save for a few red streaks. They also noticed that her ears were pointy.  
  
"Why can't I learn to stop wishing for stuff!" Kelsi exclaimed in despair.  
  
Gen glared at Kelsi, Paula stared, Kelsey gaped open mouthed and the fellowship were shocked by her stupidity!  
  
"um. you can go with the fellowship because I don't want to deal with you." Elrond said.  
  
"Yeah!" The four girls cried. 


	5. Chapter whatever

The Journey Begins, Maybe, I think, Please GOD let the Trip Start.  
  
Disclaimer: Crying didn't work either.  
  
Author: Go away and never come back. Voices in her head: What? Author: Go away and never come back. Voices: ARGH!!!! Author: They're gone; yes I'm free, free, free, free, free. OH I should start the chapter shouldn't I?  
  
  
  
Kelsey, Kelsi, Gen and Paula were rudely awoken by elves shaking them. They all changed into their normal clothes (having refused anything that remotely resembled Arwen's clothes) and went to breakfast. Kelsi ate everything she could reach that contained sugar (honey straight out of the pot for example). Gen ate (actually I don't know what any one other than Kelsi ate so.).  
  
As they all ran back to their rooms to pack they got in to a few fistfights, Then while they were packing Kelsi started to beat on Gen for being slow while arguing with Paula and Kelsey. They all had to carry their own stuff, despite pleas with each other, more fistfights, and more arguments.  
  
Kelsi's backpack: books, mini TV. (Don't ask) food, Mountain Dew(, Chips, chocolate, plans for world domination, I mean.. Hairbrush, shampoo, garbage, clothes.  
  
Kelsey's backpack: Discman, cds, clothes, soap etc. food, chips, and chocolate.  
  
Gen's backpack: Chocolate, clothes, chocolate, books, chocolate, food, chocolate, hairbrush, shampoo, oh and did I mention chocolate?  
  
Paula's backpack: Clothes, food, soccer ball, hairbrush, shampoo, chips, and other various pieces of sports equipment.  
  
Kelsi stalled the departure to go grab a mini DVD player and DVDs, Then Kelsey went to go grab the rest of her cds, Then Gen went to go grab more books and chocolate. Finally Paula went to go find her air pump for her soccer ball and Kelsi again stalled progress by losing her shoe in the river and taking an hour to find the bloody thing.  
  
Just when Gandalf thought all the procrastination possible had happened Gen insulted Kelsi who pushed her in to the river, Gen pulled Kelsi in and the end result was a black eye each and various other damaged body parts.  
  
It ended up that the girls had so delayed the trip that it was dark before Gen and Kelsi were healed and it was to late to travel anywhere. The fellowship was severely pissed with girls who didn't care very much what they thought.  
  
In the morning they prepared to leave (again) this time after the first bout of procrastination Gandalf ordered the girls bound and gagged. This only resulted in four flailing, kicking screaming teenagers cursing Gandalf in every tongue that they knew.  
  
Gandalf was more than a little insulted by some of the things they called him, especially when the rest of the Fellowship laughed at him.  
  
All Elrond said was: Please God let the trip start..  
  
  
  
Author: ha ha VOIces: What are you on gurl? Author: Shit what are you doing back? Voices: We were bored. Author: oh?  
  
Ok please review, Wingweaver, I hope this chapter is long enough, if not I'll try harder next time. 


	6. Chapter after the last one

The Journey is on Finally it's way  
  
Disclaimer: I still, don't own LOTR despite everything I've tried; next I believe I will plot some foul devious thing to get hold of my beloved LOTR.  
  
Author: The voices are still with me; curse them. Voices: Don't curse us you cow! Author: Why you.. D_T: Why are you strangling yourself? Author: What the HELL are you doing here? D_T: UMM.  
  
We hear screams and explosions coming from over there..  
  
Ok, so finally the fellowship departs (no thanks to the girls). They are finally on their way and it is about fricking time to!  
  
They have been traveling for three days now and everyone is quite bored looking (except the elf). Kelsi watches movies whenever possible; Kelsey listens to music; Gen tries to read; Paula stares off into space.  
  
They had gotten to the place where Boromir fences with Pippin and Merry. The girls were gossiping quietly until Kelsi and Kelsey turn and said, "move your feet." at the same time as Aragorn. They were really starting to really piss off the fellowship; Gandalf still hadn't forgiven them for making everyone laugh at him and the others were getting noticeably peeved (except the elf).  
  
The Fellowship decided to have a meeting.  
  
"We have to do something about those four girls!"  
  
"Are you sure we can't just push them off a cliff?"  
  
"Yes I'm sure, retard."  
  
"You Guys are so impolite. I mean if you must talk about us behind our backs please do it out of our line of site." Kelsi said (remember, she turned herself into an elf so she can see farther than any human). "I can read your lips from hear and Gimli, you can not push us off a cliff, Thank you."  
  
The girls got up and walked away so that even Legolas couldn't see them.  
  
" Do you believe their nerve, trying to bump us off with out even telling us that they're pissed. I mean really, how impolite can you get?" Kelsi said. "I know, I think we should get them for this, and get them good." That was Kelsey.  
  
"What do you suggest?" That was Gen.  
  
" Well.."  
  
  
  
Author: sorry if this chapter is too short; I want to leave revenge for tomorrow. Voice: you are a retard.  
  
D_T: You're crazy. Author: I'm insane thank you! D_T: Please review, The author is strangling herself again so..  
  
Author note* D_T, I hope you don't mind my adding you to my beginning and end, I was bored.  
  
Please note that in all of the chapters after this one Kelsey will be shortened to Kels and Kelsi will stay the same but I hope this will keep people from getting confused. 


	7. Revenge at last

Revenge for the Plotters  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own lord of the rings (yet) and if I did I wouldn't share it with you so there!  
  
Voices: She's crazier than us and that's saying something..  
  
D_T: I agree with her voices..  
  
Everything was ready. Everything they had plotted for was in perfect order when the arrow on Kelsi's bow struck the tree next to Gen it would all begin. The fellowship wasn't prepared to fight sugar-high teenage females..  
  
You see they had set a series of traps for example, trip wires, snares, and a deadfall to block the trail.  
  
The fellowship would honestly be at their mercy. and that's not a good thing. The girls had left camp early to "bathe" in a nearby stream; while the rest of the fellowship was eating they were in a conference.  
  
"Are you sure this will work?" Gen asked Kels.  
  
" Of course I'm sure, I wouldn't have said I was sure if I wasn't sure. This can't possibly fail, we have every advantage over them." Kels said getting a bit exasperated.  
  
Kelsi glared at Kels and Gen, "Will you two retards please shut up, I hear them coming."  
  
"Where have those four gotten to? Some one go and check!" That was Aragorn.  
  
"Why don't you go check, Aragorn? After all you seem to be the only one who wants to find them. I, for one am all in favor of leaving them if they can't bother to hurry up." That was Boromir, that little bastard..  
  
The girls meanwhile had gone to their places. An arrow whizzed through the air to hit Gen's tree trunk, in so doing slicing one of the triggers for a deadfall, which hit the trigger for another deadfall, and so on and so forth. In about one minute the fellowship was boxed in on all sides. They tried to pet over the barricades of course but they hit the trip wires and the snares. They were all either hanging from their ankles or laying face first on the ground.  
  
CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP.  
  
They all turned towards the sound. Kelsi, Kels, Gen and Paula were sitting in a tree (they had climbed up to watch the show).  
  
"Let us down from here you worthless, arrogant whelps." Gandalf snarled, he was hanging by his ankles (he he).  
  
"Make us you worthless old sod." Kelsi snapped back.  
  
And so the fellowship got a severe lecture on proper manners (from teenagers of all people), which was followed by mocking and snide comments from the girls. In the end Kelsi, Kels, and Paula took pity on Legolas (all the hanging upside down was messing up his hair.). Gen didn't and protested (ceaselessly) that he shouldn't be cut down.  
  
After about five more minutes they let the other free. Though none of them wanted to.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok I hope this is ok, the end is kinda abrupt but I wasn't sure how to end it.  
  
PS: D_T, the bloodsucking squirrels will be next chapter..  
  
Pleeze review 


	8. Chapter 7

Mountains, Mines and YRCHS  
  
Disclaimer: I am rather obviously not the owner of Lord of the Rings, just as I don't own anything else that I write about.  
  
"Shit!" Kelsi yelled.  
  
Frodo fell down the snowy mountain and Aragorn caught him.  
  
"I think Aragorn is fond of our hobbit friend." Kelsi muttered to Kels. They both laughed.  
  
Boromir picked up the ring and the four teenagers glared at him. Kelsi decided to tell him exactly what she thought of him.  
  
"You are an arrogant, self-righteous, selfish, and even crazier than I am! I hope you rot you retard!"  
  
The fellowship had been continuously pestering the girls about the future. The girls continued to refuse to answer their questions.  
  
Finally they got fed up and said comments like:  
  
"You are going to turn into a bloodsucking squirrel, you retard."  
  
Or in Boromir's case:  
  
"You are going to fall off a waterfall and thankfully never be heard from again!"  
  
Eventually, they got to the place where Saruman tried to bump them off. The girls shook their heads at Gandalf's attempts to ward off Saruman. Kelsi Called Saruman several things that made the others stare in disbelief. Kels joined in. Gen joined in (speaking French). Paula didn't join in.  
  
Frodo being the retard that he is decided to go through the mines. The girls shook their heads. They knew what was going to happen.  
  
" What a moron. I wish we could stop them." Paula shook her head.  
  
"Well we can't so get over it." Kelsi and Kels snapped.  
  
They all progressed back down the mountain, the girls murmuring softly. Gen was telling Kelsi about her dream.  
  
" I dreamt that I had a never ending supply of chocolate bars, and that I was an elf too and that Danielle was here and she was trying to get my chocolate." Gen said. The others just stared.  
  
Because when she had started talking about chocolate her half eaten bar regrew itself. When she talked about being an elf her ears went pointy and when she mentioned Danielle a female dropped from the sky and landed on Frodo.  
  
The fellowship couldn't believe it, not only did they have two female elf teenagers they now also had another teenage girl to put up with.  
  
They made it to the mines with relative ease, I mean does a giant squid trying to eat Frodo count as a major difficulty?  
  
They entered the mines quickly. They all continued through the mines silently till Gimli saw Balin's tomb then he bawled his eyes out.  
  
The girls all said "throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!" at the same time as Gandalf (much to his annoyance) and then they heard drums in the deep.  
  
The orks came with cold hatred in their hearts and minds. The girls had one mild surprise for the fellowship; they could fight and fight well. A Kels started firing arrows Kelsi noticed that there were always 30 arrows in Kels's quiver. And the battle progressed.  
  
And the orks died, and the cave troll came and Legolas killed it (with help). Then every body ran, they got surrounded and the orks were scared by the Balrog. Every body ran some more.  
  
  
  
Hi, hope you liked this really compressed version of what happened in Moria, Please review me. Thanx 


	9. Chappie 8

A bridge, a "death", and a freaky elf-Lady who talks in your head.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own nothing so take your lawyers and shove 'em.  
  
x_silver_saffire_x: Dude, I didn't think I was going to have to remind you of the fact that you're supposed to be Semi-Polite (not that you are), but...  
  
Author: Shut up!  
  
They reached the bridge; the girls wasted no time about getting across. Only Gandalf stopped running to face the Balrog, The girls shook their heads, they did not cry when Gandalf fell, they just ensured that no one got left behind.  
  
As they got outside they shook their heads over the wasted grief. We all know that Gandalf isn't dead.  
  
Aragon guided the fellowship to Lothlorien. The girls wasted their time bickering and getting into fistfights. Kelsi and Kels each found a small squirrel, the squirrels were just a "little" vicious. When Haldir's people pointed arrows at the fellowship the squirrels launched off the two girls to fasten their teeth into the tip of his nose. That caused much hilarity among the elves (and the girls).  
  
They were guided by Haldir (whose nose was still bleeding) to the Lady of the wood. When they met her there was a mild disturbance. She tried to talk into Kelsi's head.  
  
" You Bitch! Get the f*** outa my head!" She screamed.  
  
The other girls' reactions were much the same.  
  
Galadriel was not happy. She glared at the girls who glared right back. Then Danielle stepped forward.  
  
" Lady, forgive Kelsi. She has a mental problem that causes her to speak before she thinks."  
  
" Ok, I admit, I'm insane but I did think about what I was going to say, I've been planning that all the way from Rivendell." Kelsi snapped (So much for Danielle's attempt at calming the situation down.)  
  
The lady was infuriated with the girls' impertinence. I mean who wouldn't be.  
  
" Get from my sight!" The Lady screamed.  
  
The squirrels leapt!  
  
Author: Hi! Hope you like my story if you don't keep your opinion to yourself!  
  
D_T : One of her other stories was Flamed so she's in a bit of a bad mood. Just ignore it.  
  
Author: D_T I've finally added bloodsucking squirrels! I told you I would now didn't I? Hope you Like.  
  
Review me or I won't add any more chapters! 


	10. cHapter Nine!

More bloodsucking squirrels, freaky elf lady and a magic bubble bath, err, mirror thingy.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing so bugger off!  
  
Water Lily: Bugger off is the author's fave thing to say I swear to god.  
  
Author: no it isn't! Evil is. You're evil so bugger off!  
  
Water Lily trades looks with D_T. They shake their heads and find themselves tackled by the author.  
  
When we last checked in on our friends the bloodsucking squirrels had leapt.  
  
They (the squirrels) latched on to Galadriel's nose making her shriek with pain, and if you thought her creepy elf-witch mode was bad holy man. She started to freak out! She went on a rant to which the girls answered with a rant pf their own and believe me four teenagers who practice ranting can easily out do one huffy elf-witch who has never ranted before.  
  
". And if you don't like it you can kiss my @$$!!!!" Kelsi screamed.  
  
" Psycho! You are so friging creepy! F*** off!" Kels said.  
  
Gen was saying something unintelligible in French.  
  
Paula is too polite to act like that (yeah right!). Ok she was behaving as badly as Kelsi and Kels just without the swears.  
  
Danielle was cradling her head in her hands and wishing ill thoughts to Kelsi, Kels, Gen and Paula.  
  
Later..  
  
"Hey, look, the psycho elf-witch is wandering around."  
  
" Hee, hee, hee. She looks terrible.. hee, hee, hee.  
  
And they went, and they watched her go freaky witch mode on poor Frodo.  
  
And then they had a bubble bath in her fountain.  
  
And in the morning they were awoken by the horrified shriek of the Lady of the Lorien. All they could do was laugh.  
  
When the Lady found them she was even creepier than her evil-witch mode. She was screaming and her eyes had gone black with rage.  
  
"How dare you! Have you no sense?"  
  
"What's sense?" Kelsi asked (she does actually know).  
  
Galadriel Screamed in fury.  
  
The girls knew they were dead meat if they let the Lady get hold of them. So, they ran, and ran, and ran..  
  
They made it to the boats and hid under the seats.  
  
When the fellowship got in the boats Galadriel was still in a rage (who knows why?) and was not happy hat she wouldn't have time to get revenge on the moronic girls. She did not know that they were less than ten feet away from her.  
  
The fellowship left. The girls were still missing* until they were about twenty minutes outside of Lothlorien.  
  
Kelsi and Kels were in the boat that had Legolas.  
  
Gen was in the boat with Aragorn.  
  
Paula was in a boat with someone else and so was Danielle.  
  
" What did you do?" Aragorn screamed at the girls. They smiled mischievously.  
  
"Well, we had a bubble bath in the lady's seeing fountain thingymabober." Danielle answered.  
  
"You what?!" everyone screamed.  
  
The girls traded looks; you know that look, the one that says, "Memory loss is so sad".  
  
  
  
Author: another chapter been and gone. Review me or I won't update. 


	11. CHAPTER ten

And so we are divided, you punk assed orc, how dare you tell me to cork it!  
  
Disclaimer: HUH, well I'm finally gonna update, I don't own LOTR (sadly) I do not own most of the events, I don't own the way things happen in my story, the bloodsucking squirrels do.  
  
After the fellowship calmed down (what's calm?) they decided to stop, Legolas warned Aragorn about danger but Aragorn was being his usual up tight self and thinking that he is the best, smartest, hottest guy there (Yeah Right!!!!) (Also the Aragorn bashing, I only did it to piss my friend off). He dismissed it and Kelsi looked about ready to kick him where he really would rather not be kicked.  
  
The girls ignored him out of spite; instead they sharpened their weapons.  
  
Kelsi's weapons: Long sword, bow and arrows, throwing knives, daggers.  
  
Kels's weapons: sword, daggers, bow and arrows.  
  
Gen's weapons: Daggers, bow and arrows, slingshot.  
  
Paula's weapons: Bow and arrows, short sword, throwing knives.  
  
Danielle's weapons: throwing knives, daggers, paint ball gun (long story, don't ask).  
  
Kelsi watched Frodo leave, and then Boromir, she shook her head, knowing what was coming.  
  
Gen left to have a nap; she (rather conveniently) chose a boat to sleep in.  
  
Kelsi and Kels followed Aragorn while Paula sat with the hobbits.  
  
When the fight started the orcs realized that they had greatly underestimated their foes. Especially the girls. Kelsi and Kels were kicking ass. They stood three feet apart and no orc that came within swords reach ever moved again.  
  
Paula was holding her own, though with some difficulty.  
  
Gen was still asleep.  
  
But, even with the girls fighting like whirlwinds the fellowship could not win.  
  
Paula was captured with Merry and Pippin because they orcs thought that a female would be easier to break than a male. (Retards!!!)  
  
Gen was in the boat that Frodo took, he didn't know it though.  
  
At the sound of two voices he stopped the boat and saw Danielle and Sam following him even though Sam couldn't swim (I'm not sure about Danielle). He saved Sam and while he was saving Sam Danielle crawled into the boat from the other side.  
  
Kelsi and Kels were still busy killing orc, Kels was screaming: "That is why you do not mess with PMS!!!"  
  
After Boromir was cast a drift Kelsi shrugged and turned to Kels.  
  
" Well, Paula's gone, Danielle and Gen is with Frodo, I'm not sure which one I pity more, and We're with Blondie, the unhygienic one and the ugly one, what the hell are we going to do?"  
  
Kels shrugged.  
  
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli looked at the girls. There was no doubt who Blondie was, but that left ugly and unhygienic one, and neither one were names to be proud of.  
  
"Cork it you two idiots!!" Aragorn snapped.  
  
Kelsi and Kels traded looks of fury.  
  
" How dare you tell me to cork it!!!" they both screamed, at that precise moment two bloodsucking squirrels latched on to Aragorn's nose.  
  
Author: I am updating see I told you I would, didn't I?  
  
D_T: Idiot.  
  
Author: bugger off.  
  
D_T: did you just tell ME to BUGGER OFF?  
  
Author: (trying to hide behind Orlando Bloom picture). NO?  
  
D_T: why you little.  
  
Tune in next time, if the author is alive for a next time that is. 


	12. chapter 11

More bloodsucking squirrels and odd conversations  
  
Kelsi changed into a new outfit while the others listened to the ground, they had been running for a couple of days now and she figured that today or tomorrow they would run into Eomer.  
  
She turned to Kels and they started to murmur softly having a conversation about the bloodsucking squirrels and what they had done to Aragorn. His nose still started to bleed if you poked it.  
  
Aragorn said something about the Uruks then he took off again.  
  
" Kels, name the hottest human from our world!"  
  
" Orlando Bloom, who else!!??"  
  
Kelsi whistled getting grossed out looks from the three males.  
  
"Hey! Can't I be appreciative of a guy who is hot enough to die for?" Kelsi demanded.  
  
" Kelsi hottest dwarf in middle-earth!"  
  
"No such thing! They're all butt ugly!!!" she giggled softly.  
  
"Kels hottest man in middle earth!" Kelsi said wondering if she should have said that.  
  
"Eomer." She said teasingly.  
  
"Ew!! No way!! Ok different question. Hottest elf!"  
  
That caught Legolas's attention.  
  
The girls just traded knowing glances and nodded appreciatively at the thought of a certain elf no more than 20 feet away.  
  
" I agree completely!" Kelsi called to Kels.  
  
"Of course you do. Why shouldn't you, he is obviously the hottest elf there is." Kels answered.  
  
Legolas looked at them again. "Who are you talking about?" he asked politely.  
  
"If you don't know we're not going to tell you!" the two girls said teasingly.  
  
Author: that's all I'm putting up today. Please review me! Flame me and Die!!! 


	13. ChApTeR 12

Chapter 12  
  
Captured, Lunch, Gollum and Gen  
  
Disclaimer: I own squat.  
  
Paula woke up. She glanced around and then stopped in surprise, at first what she thought had been the smell of burning garbage turned out to be an orc who was carrying her.  
  
*What the hell? * She thought.  
  
Paula looked nothing like a hobbit so why had they taken her? Maybe they thought a female would be easier to break than a male (yeah right!).  
  
She blacked out from pain, after all her arms were not used to being in that particular position.  
  
When Paula awoke the orcs were whining about a lack of meat. They first thought of the hobbits, then they thought of her but Ugluk (the chief uruk) killed one of the northern orcs and they ate him instead.  
  
She, Pippin and Merry crawled away. Into a forest, Fangorn Forest to be exact.  
  
Gen glared at Frodo. It was bad enough that he had woken her up but then he had told her to make breakfast as if she were some kind of servant.  
  
"Listen to me very carefully you pitiful excuse for a male." She snarled. "I am not your servant, if you want food make it yourself or ask Sam to make, it not me!"  
  
Danielle looked at Gen. She shook her head, and went back to her task of trying to refrain from killing something.  
  
* Later *  
  
The hobbits were fake sleeping as the creature Gollum crept along the cliff face.  
  
Gen and Danielle were really asleep.  
  
When Gollum attacked Danielle woke up and ran to help the hobbits, Gen on the other hand was freaking out at them so in the end Danielle had to restrain Gen.  
  
In the morning Gen and Gollum alike were complaining loudly and the hobbits and Danielle were getting tired of it.  
  
Author: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Another chapter of my sadistic friends and our adventures in M-E.  
  
Review Me!! Now!! Or I'll have to hurt you!! 


	14. chapter thirteen

IDIOT! Oh F***! IthinkIbrokemytoe! Not again.  
  
Disclaimer: Sadly, I (sob) own (sob, sob) nothing (author is bawling her eyes out at this point) from the Lord of the Rings. (Author starts to wail). Why oh why (sob) can't I (sob) own Lotr? (Sob) (Annoying Voice In Author's Head: because somebody else does?)  
  
Author: my disclaimers are a bit weird (as if you hadn't noticed that already).  
  
Annoying Voice In Author's Head: My name is to long, shorten it to AVIAH. That's my initials.  
  
Author: that was odd. On with the story.  
  
"Blood sucking squirrels! Brain sucking llamas! Rabid sparrows! Rabid chipmunks! Killer bunnies! Demonic Pikas!" (Do me and my friends have too much time on our hands or are our imaginations just a little too good?) Kels yelled with her impeccable timing she managed to yell it just as the Riders of Rohan were going past and it certainly caught their attention.  
  
" Kels you are such an idiot!!!" Kelsi groaned.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Oh, never mind."  
  
Meanwhile the Riders of Rohan had them surrounded and had in the space of thirty seconds managed to get Gimli to his most stubborn arrogant dwarfiness. (I know that's not a word but whatever).  
  
"Give me your name Horse Master and I will give you mine." The idiot dwarf said.  
  
Eomer (so ugly, author runs away screaming as Kels attacks her) dismounted and said in the most arrogant tone of voice ever (except maybe mine):  
  
" I would cut off your head if it stood but a little higher form the ground." Or something to that effect.  
  
"You would die before your stroke fell!" Legolas and Kelsi snarled.  
  
Kels turned to Kelsi who was glaring bloody murder at Eomer. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you care if Gimli died I mean, you do think he's an arrogant, materialistic bastard who deserves to have his balls cut off with his own axe."  
  
Kelsi looked at her and shrugged. " I'm actually just hoping for an excuse to shoot Eomer." Kelsi smiled sweetly at the scared looks she was getting from Aragorn, Gimli (that probably had something to do with the axe to balls contact mentioned earlier) and Eomer.  
  
Kels gave her that look; you know the one that says, "Do it and you will know the true meaning of pain".  
  
Kelsi sighed and put her arrow away. Eomer sighed with relief. Meanwhile Aragorn had managed to get Legolas to put his bow away.  
  
Eomer babbled then called forward two horses.  
  
"How the hell do you expect five people to ride two horses?" Kelsi asked this idiot.  
  
He sighed and called forward two more horses that had conveniently appeared at just that moment.  
  
Kelsi smiled at Kels and the both swung into the saddle with easy grace of years of practice (major exaggeration). Kelsi on a palomino and Kels on a chestnut mare. (Sorry Kels I don't know what breed your horse is and I don't remember what you said it looked like).  
  
Gimli and Legolas got on the other brown horse and Aragorn on the gray one. (I think that I got that right sorry if I didn't).  
  
They rode over to the pile of burning carcasses. And a frustrated Aragorn kicked a helmet.  
  
"OH F***! IthinkIbrokemytoe!!!" He yelled.  
  
Kelsi and Kels literally fell off their horses they were laughing so hard.  
  
Aragorn meanwhile had gotten over the toe problem and was tracking the hobbits. Right into Fangorn forest.  
  
"Are we actually going in there?" Kels asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh goody! Blood sucking squirrels! Brain sucking llamas! Rabid sparrows! Rabid chipmunks! Killer bunnies! Demonic picas!" Kels yelled, causing everyone to wince in pain from the volume of her voice.  
  
" Not again." Kelsi whispered banging her head against a tree trunk.  
Author: wow that was my longest ever chapter (and probably my weirdest ever chapter to be honest). Sorry for the mild character bashing, I couldn't resist. And Kels please don't hurt me for what I said about Eomer, we might not agree about his looks but at least we agree about Legolas's (and Orlando Blooms).  
  
;)  
  
Please review me and as you know flame me and die (you know the usual).  
  
Until next time. 


	15. CHAPTER 14

Chapter fourteen:  
  
More Gen and Gollum, now you know, I thought it could get no worse, maybe you don't know after all.  
  
Disclaimer: I as you all have ascertained do not own LOTR anything related to LOTR any of the characters, places and very few of the events.  
  
"Take it off. It burns us." Gollum wailed.  
  
"Take it off. It's choking us, I. uh mean me." Gen wailed at the same time. They were both referring to the ropes around their necks, which had been placed there the night before.  
  
Danielle traded glances with Frodo and Sam. She took off Gen's leach while the hobbits argued about Gollum, of course they didn't notice that as soon as Gen was free she went and freed Gollum. The two psychopaths whispered conspiratorially. They nodded and smiled just as the hobbits and Danielle noticed they were both free.  
  
Frodo made Gollum swear to guide them and Gen just smiled mockingly at the hobbits that didn't know what Gen and Gollum had planned.  
  
Gen stopped when Danielle leveled her paintball gun at her. "What did you do?" She demanded.  
  
" Noooottttthhhhhhiiiinnnngggg!"  
  
"Don't lie to me."  
  
"Not Telling!!!! Nope, nope. Not telling!!" Gen screamed.  
  
At just that moment Gollum lunged to his feet and took off running closely followed by Gen who moved as sure footedly (is that a word) Gollum. They were out of sight within intents.  
  
" I thought it could get no worse." Danielle said despairingly. She knew that they would never get through Emyn Muil unless Gollum helped them. She turned to Frodo and Sam and said:  
  
"Now you know."  
  
"Know what?" Sam asked.  
  
"Or maybe you don't know." She sighed and shook her head.  
Author: This is a short chapter, I know. Oh by the way, next chapter will be my thank yous to the reviewers so it probably will be very boring.  
  
Please review me. 


	16. Thank yous for reviewers

Thank you:  
  
I'm thanking all my reviewers (yes you) I appreciate your reviews, they make me feel loved (I'm insane) And I ask that you all keep reviewing me.  
  
Thank you to:  
  
Cassie-bear01 Mysterious Jedi Kwaii-dragon-keeper SwordSwallower17 Moonlight Sonata Wingweaver Culdil Scamber Dragon x-silver-saffire-x (Danielle) Darth-trinity (Kels) Water Lily (Gen)  
  
You guys are great ( I love you all!!!! Not in a creepy, icky perverted way either.  
  
Love from the author.  
  
3 33 3 3 3 3 


	17. ChapTer 15

Chapter 15:  
  
Talking trees, OWIE, I was right Pippin is stupid!  
  
Disclaimer: I still don't own nothing so take your lawyers and shove 'em.  
  
AVIAH: You should be more polite.  
  
Author: Shut up!!  
  
On with the chapter.  
  
Paula ran through the woods with Merry and Pippin. She glanced back and saw the orc following them, still.  
  
Merry and Pippin just noticed the orc. They started to run again. Merry then told Pippin to climb a tree and then he followed him up the tree. Paula climbed another tree and watched as Merry and Pippin's tree blinked, she started to laugh. The orc heard the sound and pulled Merry out of the tree Just before he could kill Merry the "tree" stepped on him. Pippin fell backwards but this time Treebeard wasn't quite quick enough to catch him.  
  
"OOOOOWWWWIIIEEEE!" Pippin yelled from the ground. Paula climbed out of her tree to see if they were ok.  
  
"Pippin are you all right?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Then why did you say owie?"  
  
"Theatrics."  
  
Paula shook her head. "No brain no pain." She said softly.  
  
Treebeard picked her up and set her on hi shoulder. He then grabbed Merry and Pippin and squeezed them.  
Author: This is a really short chapter but I'll be updating soon enough. R&R Pleeze. 


	18. Insert chapter number here

Author: I can't believe it's not butter, lalalala.. Oh..  
  
AVIAH: Dumbass, I can't believe you just noticed them!  
  
DT: I can. This is Kelsi after all.  
  
Author: AWWW GEEEEZ, thanks a bundle, now bugger off.  
  
Water Lily:* Holding an empty can of pepper spray * What are you two idiots arguing about?  
  
DT & Author: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Natalie: Which part, the arguing part or the idiots part?  
  
Author & DT tackle Natalie.  
  
Water Lily: The author would like to apologize for not update sooner, she was just too lazy, she would also like to say that she doesn't own anything, but she's kinda busy right now so..  
  
Chapter?  
  
The fellowship gets attitude, F***in' white wizard, Meh, Perfection checklist.  
  
~*~Outside fangorn forest~*~  
  
"I'm not going in there!" Gimli yelled.  
  
"Yes, you are!"  
  
"Screw You!"  
  
Everyone stared at Gimli, Kelsi and Kels grinned.  
  
"What the Hell did you just say to me?" Aragorn demanded.  
  
"What the F*** do you think I said?!" Gimli snarled.  
  
"Why you dirty little bastard!" Aragorn tackled Gimli.  
  
Kelsi and Kels were laughing uncontrollably. Legolas was watching them but he started to laugh when they fell over.  
  
"You B****! You poked me in the eye!" Kels screamed.  
  
"You poked your own eye, ass clown!"  
  
"Why would I do something like that?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After two hours they finally managed to get Gimli into Fangorn.  
  
"Aragorn something approaches."  
  
"What do your elf eyes see?"  
  
"The F***in' white wizard! How F***in' stupid are you? Who the F*** else would be crazy enough to come in here!?" Legolas yelled.  
  
Kelsi and Kels traded glances. They each hugged Legolas (who looked like a stunned bird).  
  
"We have trained you well young Jedi." Kels said.  
  
"Wait, first he isn't a Jedi, second 2931 isn't exactly young," Kelsi said.  
  
"Shut UP!"  
  
"Make me."  
  
"Make me, make you."  
  
"Make me, make you, make me."  
  
"STOP IT!"  
  
Everyone turned to see the white wizard standing there glowing so brightly that Kels and Kelsi started to swear, Gimli followed suit, as did Legolas.  
  
Gandalf stared at them as did Aragorn.  
  
"Legolas, You do realize that as an elf you are expected to be serene, polite, and aloof don't you?"  
  
"Meh."  
  
Kels and Kelsi stared at each other then at Legolas, then at each other. Then they burst out laughing literally falling over they were laughing so hard.  
  
"See he wasn't hopeless after all!"  
  
"I knew that!"  
  
"Now he's perfect."  
  
"Really?"  
  
Kels leaned over and looked at the perfection checklist Kelsi was holding.  
  
~*~ Checklist~*~  
  
Intelligence on a scale of 1-10: 10  
  
Fighting 1-10 10  
  
Use of words: underline  
  
Polite Moderate Talks like me  
  
Says Meh: Yes  
  
Hotness 1-10 12  
  
~*~ end checklist~*~  
  
"oh my GOD!"  
  
"I told you so."  
  
"He's perfect."  
  
They all traded glances, Legolas mildly embarrassed (after all we think he's perfect), Kelsi and Kels awed, everyone else confused.  
  
Author: That's all your getting from me today!  
  
Water Lily: just update some time within the rest of the month ok?  
  
DT: Yeah not like last time.  
  
Author: I wouldn't talk DT.  
  
DT: * tackles Author*  
  
Auhtor: I'll only update if I get reviews!!!!  
  
AVIAH: YEAH REVIEW US, it's the little purple button you just click, it's not that hard. 


	19. umm, new chappie

Disclaimer: I'm poor, I own nothing, not even a Kleenex (, so don't sue me.  
  
Chapter: um, well, hmm.  
  
More of them, Bye bye Emyn Muil Helloooooo dead marches! LOTR in a nutshell.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Gen & Danielle~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gollum and Gen were plotting. They crouched their heads close together murmuring softly.  
  
Danielle was starting to get worried they had been plotting for several hours now and knowing Gen and Gollum it would be a dangerous and stupid scheme that would get them all killed and all for their preciousssssssss.  
  
~*~ Next morning ~*~  
  
"See we told you we'd lead you out, yes we did." Gollum said.  
  
Gen slipped and stepped in the marches, "Ew! Well. Bye bye Emyn Muil Helloooooo dead marches, grossness."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Kelsi & Kels~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kelsi and Kels had complained until the others had stopped and let them rest. Currently they were discussing their friends back home.  
  
" Man I miss Nat and GT, I wish they were here they'd be laughing at us so hard man." Kelsi said.  
  
"KELSI!!!!!!" Everyone screamed.  
  
Just then two figures fell from the sky and landed on Aragorn and Gimli. One stood up (the one who'd landed on Gimli).  
  
"EW!!! I touched IT!!!" She screamed, she whipped around and her braid nailed Gandalf in his oversized nose.  
  
"OW!"  
  
"Oh shut up you big baby."  
  
"NAT!!!" Kelsi and Kels yelled.  
  
Just then the other one stood up and said, "What the F*** is going on here?"  
  
"Well, you see Geets, Kelsi is a dumbass who's wishes all come true and (a) she wished herself, Gen and Paula here, (b) She wished me here, (c) we pissed Elrond off until he let us go with the Fellowship.."  
  
"WOAH! Where is here?" Nat asked.  
  
"Middle-Earth." Kels snapped, " now as I was saying, (d) we discovered that what Gen dreams comes true, she dreamt that Danielle would come here and she did, (e) the whole falling into shadow thing, Lothlorien, Boromir dying you know, oh and (f) She wished you two here."  
  
Meanwhile the others were staring at her in shock and Kelsi was contemplating throttling for calling her a dumbass.  
  
Author: that is all for today, I might update soon, I haven't Decided, it really depends on how many reviews I get for this story and my new one.  
  
DT: are you tryin' to bribe the readers into reviewing your new fic?  
  
Author: Well yes, but that's just cause no one's reviewed, and if no one reviews how am I supposed to add random reviewers to my story? Well so far it sucks but it will get better. So they wouldn't be putting themselves in a crappy story, or at least no crappier than any of my other fics but.  
  
Vegessa: SSJ Jedi Knight: as the author bables randomly I'll finish for her, please hit the purple button in the corner and type a nice message, then go and review her new story ; If you thought my other stories were plotless... thank you. 


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